


Knowing

by Dominatrix



Category: Elementary (TV)
Genre: F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, There sails my OTP
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-28
Updated: 2012-12-28
Packaged: 2017-11-22 19:04:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/613205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dominatrix/pseuds/Dominatrix
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes when Sherlock Holmes wakes up, he forgets who he is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Knowing

Sometimes Sherlock wakes up and has no idea who he is. It’s not the dimness of drugs or alcohol anymore; he could’ve handled this one because in the back of your mind you always know what happens to you although you feel completely dizzy and horrible. And Sherlock had been used to this feeling for quite a long time.

But when Sherlock wakes up with this feeling inside him, he doesn’t know what’s happening to him. He just feels that he is far away from being okay, that there will always be something that will be wrong because his life is a mess and he has nobody to hold on to, not after Irene died and not even back then when he was little enough to be supposed to trust his parents. It’s not that he realizes only then that he’s alone and that nobody would miss him probably, he knows that all the time and he has known it far too long that it could still hurt.

He just fails to see the sense in anything; he forgets his brilliant, horrible mind and that he is capable of things other people wouldn’t even dream of, that he can see through all kinds of facades and veils. He just feels this terrible emptiness inside of him, and he fears he might drown in it because there is nothing else left for him and what’s the point in living when you have nothing left you could live for?

It’s this kind of feeling that got Sherlock into drinking and taking drugs and nearly going insane because the desire to feel something real, to feel _anything at all_ , had almost killed him. When he feels like this again he wishes it would’ve have killed him from the start.

 

The night has not yet faded when Sherlock wakes up, covered in cold sweat and with a disgusting taste in his mouth and there’s this dark thing in his mind again, swallowing everything it can get until Sherlock doesn’t even remember his name. He barely remembers how to breathe.

The sunrise is far away and there’s still plenty of time for being scared, but this time Sherlock is not shivering in fear and agony about his lost mind. Now there is no need to roll around with heavy gaping until he falls in a restless sleep again. This time there’s a gentle touch on his cheek and a soft hum next to his ear to calm him down as Joan pulls him in her arms because she knows. She always knows.

And this is why Sherlock is not scared anymore. Because she always knows. Because even if Sherlock forgets who he is, Joan will always be there to remember him.

 


End file.
